The Beards @ Studio 6, 8th May ’14 – Across The Ocean

The Beards @ Studio 6, 8th May ’14

One might think a band that records and performs songs exclusively about beards could only take such a concept so far but over the years The Beards continue to push their message to new and ridiculous heights.

When I first encountered them in late 2010 I deemed their antics extreme but now several years later I realise they were just warming up.

Tonight we find ourselves in Studio 6 in Sutherland for the opening night of the band’s tour in support of latest release The Beard Album (its literally covered in hair) and a hearty group of predominantly hirsute revellers are in attendance.

Opening track I Like Beards is an understatement of epic proportions and triggers off 75 minutes of rampant bearded propaganda.


Crowd fave If Your Dad Doesn’t Have A Beard, You’ve Got Two Mums gets an early airing and fervent response before we are singing along helplessly to The Bearded Appliance Store.


Throughout the set there is mutual beard fondling between band and audience members alike, as the unfortunate beardless are subjected to frequent ridicule and forced to undertake the Bearded Pledge – a solemn vow to never shave again.

The thing about this band is that whilst the whole thing has to be a joke, they deliver it with a disturbing sincerity which is a little unsettling.


Towards the end of the set abundant cheesiness rises to the surface, with Van Halen being channeled in All The Bearded Ladies, whilst the grandiose power ballad Born With A Beard is something Bon Jovi would be proud of.

There is a singing swaying cluster of facial hair in the front few rows as things go up a notch with set closing hit single You Should Consider Having Sex With A Bearded Man –  a sentiment wholeheartedly endorsed by the male dominated audience.


The Beards couldn’t pull off this whole concept without genuine musical talent and a sense of showmanship, both of which they possess in abundance. Cock rock poses, stadium choruses, outrageous sax solos and perpetual beard fondling pepper the set and as a result dull moments are scarce.


Then the band files off stage and the audience is left grinning from ear to ear and pondering the state of their facial hair.


Photos: Benon Julius William Otto Koebsch

Gavin Stocker

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Outside of Across The Ocean Gavin Stocker writes, records and performs music under the moniker of P Truck.

He can also be found clinging to his youth on a skateboard or wandering aimlessly through the bush.
Gavin Stocker